*Artwork. It's not a very recent conclusion, every time I post something I realize it's really not my best and that I could have done better. Sometimes I'm not sure how it should be better and other times I get mad over little details that I suddenly hate more than anything. Especially concerning digital work - I feel more at home working in a traditional medium. But then I never post, because I get upset with at least 90% of that.

Even if I don't like it, I still tend to post digital work. Of late, a tablet's all I've been drawing on because I am so determined to get better. I don't want to stay in a place where I just hate everything I come up with. I just feel like I'm in a rut that I can't climb out of.

...I'm not writing this journal to ask for attention, by the way. You (Hannah, I mean it) don't need to post with a comment like "oh your art is good!" Because I'm still going to not like my stuff. I just have to determine that I'll get better. With every piece, in some marginal way, I get better. I learn new things. I try new things. I perfect old techniques. Slowly, surely, I'll become the artist I want to be.

This week I've spent every day with over five hours of drawing time. Normally more than that - yesterday was a short day. I've hardly eaten or taken breaks or surfaced from my bedroom, and I know that's not at all healthy so I'm trying to balance art and activity. But I still don't fee like I've done enough or worked hard enough.

I decided to put this in a journal because...I don't treat my journal like an actual journal, and I think I should. I think I should give more "life updates" than I do. Well, life, here's to hoping that there's a someday out there with my name and my goals on it.

~Catalyst